Wednesday, September 9

*NEWSFLASH*

A Sacramento-area woman's recent attempt to forcibly remove the foot of her boyfriend met with little success, a steak knife proving insufficiently sharp, and wielded with insufficient force, namely, being allowed to fall from the counter. Authorities are unaware of any plans to continue these attempts, and the woman in question seems contrite. The injured man abstained from pressing charges, and is able to walk unaided.

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